erku | ic inbox

[biscuity]

❝This is Clary. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.❞

action ➳ text ➳ video ➳ voice ➳ prose
username: @ fray

Comments

[biscuity]

[ After he repositions her hand, Clary presses it more firmly against him, feeling not only the heat of his skin directly but also the beat of his heart. It helps a lot with easing the tension in her chest, though his words make her own heart race for completely different reasons. Even her breath catches for a moment, overcome with the whirlwind of emotions the past hour has led her through.

She moves her other hand to brush back a curl from Bellamy's forehead as she listens to him, then lets her fingers trail over his temple, his cheek, before cupping his face again. And though she can feel her face warming with a blush, cheeks still wet with her tears, Clary doesn't let her gaze move from his. ]

I don't know if I'd be able to do that, but I'd try. For you. [ It would be incredibly difficult because she would feel lost and upset without him, but she'll just have to hope that when they are separated (not if, because she feels like it's just a matter of time) that it won't be for long. ] I'd do anything for you. You make me happier than I think I've ever been, happier than I should be here—

[ Her voice catches as more tears flood her eyes, though this time they're more jovial than anything, her emotions heightened and raw. ]

[tombom]

You don't look happy. [ Judging by his small smile (it's hard to smile too much right now because it feels bittersweet, confessing feelings for someone he knows he doesn't have much of a future with), he's only teasing her. ] For someone who makes you happy, I sure make you cry a lot...

[ He knows it's not her fault though, or his. It's this island putting them through stressful situations, throwing highs at them one day and then lows the next. But this island also brought them together - someone from another universe he never would have met - and for that reason he can never truly hate this place. Not even for taking him away from his sister.

His thumb brushes her wet cheek. ] So what do we do now? [ He's not asking what their next move is in terms of the day, but what they're going to do for however long they're still on this island. ] Because if you asked me that question, I wouldn't know.

[ He knows he wants to be with her, he knows he can't stay away from her (not that he's ever tried or has any desire to), but he doesn't want to see her get hurt. And the more attached to each other they become, the harder it's going to be in the long run to say goodbye. ]

I don't know how we do this... [ He desperately wants her to know, to have all the answers and guide him through this, to make him see they can make this work against all odds. His mouth grazes her cheek. ]

All I know is I want you, Clary. More than the way this started. [ More than sex. More and more each day. More than with anyone. ]

w o w this got away from me

[biscuity]

[ His comment gets another one of those half-choked sob-laughs, her eyes finally falling shut for a moment, unable to keep them open against the tears. ] They're not always mutually exclusive. [ And it's not like he's even been the root cause of her tears. If anything, he's been the one there to wipe them away, just as he does now, her face turning into his touch.

But his question has her drawing up short because, truth be told, she's not too sure either. This situation, this island, is so unlike anything she's ever imagined let alone experienced that she doesn't know where to start. (And maybe that's part of why she's avoided admitting this out loud for so long, not only to keep from freaking out Bellamy but also because she didn't want to admit that she had no idea how to handle it all.)

What she knows with absolute certainty, though, is that she trusts Bellamy with every bone in her body. ] You have me, Bellamy. [ It's easier to answer that portion of what he says before tackling his question, the words murmured and still a bit teary. The hand at his jaw moves once more to the back of his head, fingers lacing through his hair. ] I've been your girl for a while now, whether you realize it or not. [ Which is why his backpedaling when he'd called her that hit in such a rough way.

She stays like that for a moment, cheek resting against his, thumb brushing against his chest beneath his shirt. Then she lets out a heavy breath, sniffling briefly after. ] As for how we do this... We just try. [ It seems as good an answer as any.

Shifting back once more to look at him, Clary pulls her hand away — the one at the back of his head, not the one beneath his shirt — to wipe her cheeks. ] It's not like this place will let us have a conventional relationship, so we just... promise to be honest with one another and never hide anything. To talk to one another about everything. [ It might sound like she's super enlightened but, honestly, it's only thanks to Vidar. Knowing he's managed to have a relationship here, even if they've hit some bumps, tells her it could work. Or at the very least it's worth a shot. ]

I just want to be with you, Bellamy, whatever that means here. I — [ She sniffles again, another fresh wave of tears coming on. ] I can't imagine my life without you in it anymore. And I know I'll have to someday, that we'll have to say goodbye — [ when her voice catches this time, Clary forces herself to continue ] — but I want to spend every minute I can with you until then.

[tombom]

[ He smiles at her calling herself his girl, even though he feels bad since he had a feeling he might have upset her by taking it back that day he let it slip, but she'd obviously put on a brave face. ]

I guess I was worried seeing you as my girl might hold you back here. [ He doesn't want her to feel like she's sacrificing any of her freedom to be with him. ] It's bad enough that we're trapped on this island, but I don't want you to feel trapped by me. [ By his feelings for her. If they'd met in his world, he would have accepted how serious they were becoming a lot sooner and called her not just his girl, but probably his girlfriend in next to no time at all. But it's a lot more complicated here. ]

I'm not sure being honest about everything is such a good idea. [ Don't get him wrong, he feels comfortable talking to her about most things. But there is one subject they've never discussed here: sex with other people. And while Bellamy has been having a lot less sex with others, he can't rule out it never happening again when the island throws them into situations where they feel inclined to have sex with the nearest person. ] I think there's both stuff we don't want to hear about... [ Specfically every little detail of how someone else made them orgasm. ]

But I promise, whatever happens with other people will never compare to what I have with you. [ Because there would never be as much emotion or feeling he puts into everything he does with Clary. No conversation or act of intimacy comes close to how he connects with her. ] I'll always come back to you... To my girl. [ He says that confidently this time, like he's willing to say it a thousand more times to make up for retracting it the other day.

He knows she's practically crying again, but when he's not sure what more he can say, the only way he can think to comfort her is by kissing her. A soft, lingering kiss while his hands rub up and down her back, soothing her, reassuring her he's right here with her in this moment and that's what they should focus on, not what their doomed future could possibly hold. Even if their happiness is short-lived, they ought to try, as Clary said. ]

[biscuity]

I could never feel trapped by you, Bellamy. [ Voice breaking or not, Clary's determined to make that point. ] Never. Since the moment I met you, I've felt... Freer. Braver. Like I could take on anything as long as I had you there beside me. [ Sure, maybe it was mostly with regard to exploring her sexuality at first, but it's never been just about that. He's been someone she could rely on and trust, who was always willing to push her further or hold her depending on what she needed. ] You make me feel safe, but never trapped.

[ As for the rest of what he says, well — she'd meant "everything" more along the lines of the emotional side of things, being honest about sleeping with other people but not the specifics. But the clarification doesn't really seem pertinent right now because even if he doesn't tell her (so long as he doesn't try to hide it or deny it, which she wouldn't expect), she trusts Bellamy. She believes what he says, here and now, and knows without a doubt that it's the same for her.

But her throat's too tight to say as much so she puts her feelings into the kiss instead, the hand beneath his shirt staying there while the other slides familiarly to the back of his head, fingers lacing almost possessively this time through his hair. She keeps the kiss soft, though it has far more to do with the tears still spilling freely down her cheeks than anything. Still, there's a sense of desperation almost, the fear she feels at being so close to losing him combined with the exhilaration of them finally knowing and admitting where they stand with one another combining into something that's difficult for her to hide. And at this point, she's not even sure if she should bother.

Eventually, she does break the kiss, both arms moving to dip between his jacket and shirt, holding him close as she curls into him, burying her face against his chest. Though it takes a moment, she manages to get herself under slightly better control, sniffling as she turns her head to press her ear to his chest, just above his heart. ] Say it again. [ The request comes softly, but he'll be able to hear the smile starting to form on her face. Nothing quite as bright or easy as he usually brings out in her, but genuinely happy all the same, even amidst everything else she's feeling at the moment. ]

[tombom]

[ He feels safe with her too at this moment, even after confessing things he was so scared to tell her, even after that monster made him feel his fate was to die alone. The thought of seeing the monster again once they try to find a way out of the forest doesn't fill him with fear, not with Clary by his side. She's proved she can protect him just as much as he wants to protect her, if not better with her abilities. And there's so much light in her that melts away every negative thought in his head. She doesn't just make him feel good - she is good for him. She inspires him to shine as brightly as her and on the days her light has gone out, he reignites a spark within her.

Resting his chin against the top of her head, he strokes a hand through her hair while they embrace silently. He feels a weight off his shoulders for finally put his cards on the table, though this isn't nearly as romantic as he would have liked it to have been. He wishes that night he first let 'my girl' slip, that when he went over to see her and they pretended like it never happened, he'd told her everything she knows now. But Bellamy isn't perfect and neither is their relationship. Now they know how they both feel for one another and that's all that matters.

He presses a kiss to the top of her head before tilting her face up with his fingers under her chin so he can make eye contact with her. ] You're my girl, Clary. Don't ever let me forget that. [ Because there might be moments where he thinks he doesn't deserve to give her that title, but he'll never stop feeling like he wants a part of her to belong to him, the most important part of her no one else can touch the way he can - her heart. She can sleep with as many people as she wants on this island as long as she reserves her heart for him. ]

[biscuity]

[ Perhaps the fact that she's cried in front of him before helps keep her from resisting when he lifts her face, even though she has no doubt that she's red and splotchy. Or maybe she's just so focused on the moment, on him, that she can't bring herself to care. Whatever the case, she meets his gaze easily, her hand moving to his to hold it to her cheek.

Would this have been better if it had happened with them curled up in bed, or sharing some treat beneath their tree one afternoon rather than in this creepy forest, both of them running high on adrenaline? Probably. But hearing Bellamy call her his girl — meaning it, too — is perfect, no matter how it came about. ]

I won't, I promise. [ Turning into his palm, eyes closing for a brief moment, Clary presses her lips to his skin. It's not really a kiss, more just a more purposeful point of contact, and then she opens her eyes to look at him again. ] With how many times I'll want to hear it, I don't think you'll be able to forget anyway. [ She gives him a small but happy smile, even if it's a half-assed attempt at teasing, her heart not really in it considering everything else that's led to this point.

Then she moves to stand, wiping her cheeks with her free hand, the other sliding into Bellamy's to entwine their fingers and give him a gentle tug. ] Come on, Bellamy, let's get out of here; this place is giving me the creeps. [ Not to mention she's exhausted now and can imagine he feels much the same. ] I also want to curl up in your arms and that's way more comfortable in a bed.

[ If he'll let her, Clary will also try to pick up the gun and carry it back herself, if only to give them both a little extra peace of mind. ]