[ Poe's never seen her cry before, definitely not like this, and it's as devastating as he would have expected it to be. That's a whole different pain to the one that's already settled heavy on his chest, not so much making things worse as somewhat redirecting those feelings, but it is more natural to him to comfort her rather than let himself linger in his own pain with no obvious outlet. She grips onto his hand and he relinquishes it to her, instead softly nuzzling against her other cheek, and without the intervention of conscious thought that turns into even softer kisses, his fingers curled slightly against her other cheek, almost cradling it while he seems to be trying to kiss away the tears. It's alright that this doesn't do much to alleviate the ache, there's no easy solution to that for either of them and they both know it. The best they can do is comfort each other as much as they can in it.
He wants to disagree, to tell her that she would survive without him. Obviously that's not ever something he would willing do to her, but she's so passionate and sweet and genuinely caring, as hard as it might be she would find a way forward, with or without him. But he knows what she means too. These losses won't kill them, but they do change them, for better or for worse. Life goes on, but it's never the same, he learned that lesson from a very young age, so he's not about to tell her that losing people isn't the end of the world. Sometimes it is, at least for a while.
As her fingers curl around his he brings their hands up so that he can press those kisses to the back of her knuckles instead, and when she finds her voice again he doesn't exactly stop, but it does hit him hard. There's nothing shocking about it, maybe they haven't said that out loud in the 'real' world, but that's been there, hanging over them ever since they experienced it in another life. And she's right about the complication part, he's too open and vulnerable at the moment for those tangled up feelings to be anything but easily read across his face, but he doesn't resent that she's said it. He couldn't. ]
Clary... [ How could he even start to explain how it makes him feel? There's a warmth that blossoms in his chest, despite everything, to know that she cares so strongly about him, it's just immediately tempered by the awareness that he can't give her what she wants and deserves, and accepting what she gives him feels so selfish because of that. It's not fair for him to take up that space when she deserves someone who would give her everything.
In the right time and place, that could have been him. Maybe that's why it's so hard, since she seems to know that too. He can't change how he feels any more than she can.
The only thing he can do is hug her close, even closer so that his face is pressed into her hair again. Somehow it hurts more to have been on the other side of this, he knows all too well what it's like. But at least wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight is the opposite of pushing her away, no matter how messy and complicated it might be. If she decides it's too much, he'll let her go, but... otherwise he can't, selfish as it might be. ]
You know how I feel about you.
[ He said it, didn't he? And he hasn't taken it back. ]
[ She doesn't fight him when he pulls her into another hug, nor does she pull back at all, though there is admittedly a small pang of disappointment that he doesn't say it back. She knows why, of course, and she does know how he feels about her — confirmed outwardly with a nod as well — but it still stings a bit not to hear him say it now. It's part of the complication of her, of them, though, of having gotten this tangled up in one another despite the best of intentions to just be friends.
It was a failed mission from the start, truth be told, something that she's realized recently, though it seems unimportant to actually voice that out loud. Especially today of all days.
Both arms stay wrapped tight around him, her face burying into his shoulder this time, unwilling to let go. Feeling the beat of Poe's heart against her chest, the warmth of his body long since chased away the chill of her own... It's the only thing she can think of that could offer any semblance of comfort right now. And he seems just as disinclined to separate from her. ]
I'm sorry.
[ Maybe she's apologizing for her admission, for making things more complicated than they'd already become, or maybe she's apologizing again for Finn's disappearance. Probably both. Either way, the words are mumbled and still broken, very likely lost against the fabric of his shirt. ]
[ It hurts to know how Clary feels, even if he can't see her face he knows, and somehow it's just sharper when he could echo those words back to her and he would be telling nothing but the truth, but then holding it back was never about saving himself from having to face uncomfortable realities, it's all about commitments he's made, and others that he can't. As tangled up and messy as things might be, when they're face to face with it, he couldn't live with himself if he felt like he was stringing her along, giving her hope for something that might never happen. He knows better than to say that anything's impossible, but as things are he can only give her so much. And she deserves everything.
He wants to tell her that. He wants to tell her that he's sorry, but it's all way too much right now, the words just aren't there yet. Still, he's shaking his head at her apology, his breath catching sharply in his throat before he manages to let it out. Somehow he manages to slip a hand to the side of her face, his fingertips stroking over her jawline before gently tipping her face back up toward him, so that he can press a soft kiss to her lips while cupping her cheek. Maybe he can't tell her everything that he's feeling right now, but there's at least one thing that he has to say, if nothing else. ]
Don't be. [ He squeezes his other arm tighter around her waist. ] I'm glad that you're here.
[ No matter how complicated or messy it might be. He still wants to be with her. ]
[ Clary doesn't resist when he guides her face up, though she doesn't open her eyes, the tightness of her throat all that much worse after hearing Poe's breath catch like that. It works out, though, as his lips find hers, a kiss she returns easily before pressing her forehead to his. One of her own hands untangles from him to wipe at the cheek he's not cupping, although it admittedly does very little to dry her tears, even if they're coming somewhat slower now. ]
I'll be here however long you want me to be, Poe. [ Even she can hear how that sounds, especially on the coattails of her earlier admission — and maybe some part of her means it that way. But she says it to confirm that she's here with him, physically, for as long as he needs, that she won't leave him alone as he tries to deal with the loss of Finn.
Her hand settles on his chest, palm pressed to the spot above his heart, fingers curling some against the fabric there. Sniffling again, Clary opens her eyes, though she doesn't pull back to look at him properly; instead, she keeps her gaze low on his lips, though she's not even fully seeing them anyway. ]
I'm glad you were the one to tell me. [ It feels important to acknowledge that, since she hadn't had a chance earlier. ]
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no subject
He wants to disagree, to tell her that she would survive without him. Obviously that's not ever something he would willing do to her, but she's so passionate and sweet and genuinely caring, as hard as it might be she would find a way forward, with or without him. But he knows what she means too. These losses won't kill them, but they do change them, for better or for worse. Life goes on, but it's never the same, he learned that lesson from a very young age, so he's not about to tell her that losing people isn't the end of the world. Sometimes it is, at least for a while.
As her fingers curl around his he brings their hands up so that he can press those kisses to the back of her knuckles instead, and when she finds her voice again he doesn't exactly stop, but it does hit him hard. There's nothing shocking about it, maybe they haven't said that out loud in the 'real' world, but that's been there, hanging over them ever since they experienced it in another life. And she's right about the complication part, he's too open and vulnerable at the moment for those tangled up feelings to be anything but easily read across his face, but he doesn't resent that she's said it. He couldn't. ]
Clary... [ How could he even start to explain how it makes him feel? There's a warmth that blossoms in his chest, despite everything, to know that she cares so strongly about him, it's just immediately tempered by the awareness that he can't give her what she wants and deserves, and accepting what she gives him feels so selfish because of that. It's not fair for him to take up that space when she deserves someone who would give her everything.
In the right time and place, that could have been him. Maybe that's why it's so hard, since she seems to know that too. He can't change how he feels any more than she can.
The only thing he can do is hug her close, even closer so that his face is pressed into her hair again. Somehow it hurts more to have been on the other side of this, he knows all too well what it's like. But at least wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight is the opposite of pushing her away, no matter how messy and complicated it might be. If she decides it's too much, he'll let her go, but... otherwise he can't, selfish as it might be. ]
You know how I feel about you.
[ He said it, didn't he? And he hasn't taken it back. ]
no subject
It was a failed mission from the start, truth be told, something that she's realized recently, though it seems unimportant to actually voice that out loud. Especially today of all days.
Both arms stay wrapped tight around him, her face burying into his shoulder this time, unwilling to let go. Feeling the beat of Poe's heart against her chest, the warmth of his body long since chased away the chill of her own... It's the only thing she can think of that could offer any semblance of comfort right now. And he seems just as disinclined to separate from her. ]
I'm sorry.
[ Maybe she's apologizing for her admission, for making things more complicated than they'd already become, or maybe she's apologizing again for Finn's disappearance. Probably both. Either way, the words are mumbled and still broken, very likely lost against the fabric of his shirt. ]
no subject
He wants to tell her that. He wants to tell her that he's sorry, but it's all way too much right now, the words just aren't there yet. Still, he's shaking his head at her apology, his breath catching sharply in his throat before he manages to let it out. Somehow he manages to slip a hand to the side of her face, his fingertips stroking over her jawline before gently tipping her face back up toward him, so that he can press a soft kiss to her lips while cupping her cheek. Maybe he can't tell her everything that he's feeling right now, but there's at least one thing that he has to say, if nothing else. ]
Don't be. [ He squeezes his other arm tighter around her waist. ] I'm glad that you're here.
[ No matter how complicated or messy it might be. He still wants to be with her. ]
no subject
I'll be here however long you want me to be, Poe. [ Even she can hear how that sounds, especially on the coattails of her earlier admission — and maybe some part of her means it that way. But she says it to confirm that she's here with him, physically, for as long as he needs, that she won't leave him alone as he tries to deal with the loss of Finn.
Her hand settles on his chest, palm pressed to the spot above his heart, fingers curling some against the fabric there. Sniffling again, Clary opens her eyes, though she doesn't pull back to look at him properly; instead, she keeps her gaze low on his lips, though she's not even fully seeing them anyway. ]
I'm glad you were the one to tell me. [ It feels important to acknowledge that, since she hadn't had a chance earlier. ]