You don't have to deal with it alone. I'm here for both of you, whatever you need.
[ The thought of offering to sign with him — with them both — comes to mind, of course, but she doesn't want to jump straight into that as Poe's still probably processing the sudden change. Not to mention the fact that there might be someone else he or Finn would want to sign with, someone they know better than her. ]
I can't believe that they would do this, and without any kind of warning. Did it happen the same way with the others you heard about?
[ He does know that she'd offer if he asked, she's like that, and he's both aware and appreciative of it, he just doesn't want to think about contracts right now. ]
I've only talked to one person who's been through it, but I get the impression that it's never been explained, and no one knows exactly how it happens. You just wake up one day with or without the line and they pretend that you were always like that. Like we don't know the truth.
[ One benefit that the audio feature offers that texting doesn't is the chance for her to hear his sigh, the heaviness of it enough for her to bite back any other questions she has — which is a significant amount of them, truth be told. But she can save those for later, or for someone else entirely. Magnus, perhaps, who's been here longer than even Poe.
The important thing now is helping him process this, however she can. ]
Do you want to come over? [ Getting into the Up as an uncontracted Submissive is probably even worse than when he was a Dominant, a realization that hits her surprisingly hard. As a result, she's quick to add, ] Or I can meet you somewhere. Your place, if you want, or we can get a drink somewhere.
[ Getting into the Up as an uncontacted submissive is next to impossible without a dominant to accompany him, it's not the uphill battle he needs right now. It would be way too easy to get into a fight, and landing himself in jail wouldn't help anyone. ]
We can start at the garage and go from there.
[ He won't question her willingness to see him, whatever state he's in. If this had happened to her he would be there too. ]
[ It shouldn't ultimately be a big deal since plenty of people only pretend to care about the city's roles in public to appease the SIN guards, and yet Clary wants to find whoever did this and kick their ass for him, make them switch Poe back. Or, at the very least, get as many answers to their questions as possible, namely why this happened. How doesn't matter so much, but there had to have been a reason.
As she makes her way to the Down, the knot in Clary's stomach takes on an edge of guilt as she starts wondering if maybe this is punishment for them ignoring the rule about Dominants hooking up. And despite her brain supplying what should be a convincing argument about Poe and Gwen having been together long before she arrived, it also reminds her of the night at Camp Harmony when she crawled into his tent late at night.
The trip to the garage seems to take significantly longer than normal and by the time she steps inside to look for him, or knocks on the door if Poe's kept it locked, her brow's furrowed into a deep frown. ]
[ The door was locked, but Poe's opened it in anticipation of her arrival, he's not worried about anyone wandering in after hours. There are times when it's convenient that they close up shop early in the afternoon anyway, it's just one less thing to deal with today when he's not in the mood to handle anything to do with the city. He wasn't kidding about not knowing what he needs, aside from just the time it'll take to adjust to this. And he knows that they'll get there, this isn't half of the disaster it could have been, and how could it get much worse than facing what seemed like a certain, immediate execution? Or a looming, menacing force that seemed impossible to beat? No, he's got perspective.
It doesn't make this easy, living here and having to jump through the hoops that the city puts in front of them. He can't get away from the feeling that every step forward comes with a step back, and as stubborn as he is about holding onto the people he cares about it's all so precarious.
He hates how powerless this makes him feel. And maybe some small, irrational part of himself feels some kind of guilt over it too, like he's let Finn down somehow. As if any of this was his choice.
He's there to meet her at the door, recently showered and shaved, and it would be impossible to miss the dark line that travels down his throat until it disappears underneath his shirt. ]
Hi.
[ What can he even say? He's not dodging her or trying to hide it though, those emotions are pretty clearly written all over his face. ]
[ Even though she tries not to, almost the same moment that the door opens, Clary's gaze drops to Poe's neck, to the line that wasn't there before. It solidifies what happened (not that she doubted him, of course, or thought he was lying) and makes her stomach drop to her feet. Her frown somehow deepens further as she lifts her gaze to meet his, seeing everything that he can't put into words in his expression.
She's only been in the city for a handful of months, barely any time at all compared to someone like him, and yet she can feel how huge this is. Not just for Poe but in general, the idea that whoever or whatever brought them here can mess so completely with their lives at any moment hitting harder than perhaps even when she'd woken up here originally. That they don't even acknowledge changing something so supposedly fundamental as an assigned designation, whether she agrees with the whole concept or not, makes it even worse.
And seeing how it's affecting Poe, as obvious as the new mark down his throat, makes it almost unbearable. Why couldn't it have been her?
He may not want it, even if he's generally a very tactile person with her, but Clary steps over the threshold and immediately wraps her arms around him, pulling him into a hug. ]
I'm so sorry, Poe. [ Because what else can she say? ]
[ Poe already hates the attention that the tattoo is naturally going to attract. He doesn't blame that on Clary though, he's aware that he's just going to have to get used to it — and eventually he will. Just like eventually, sooner rather than later, he'll work out the details, make sure that nothing he's got here with Finn gets lost in the shuffle or actually transferred to anyone else except in name, so that things go back to the semblance of normal that they've gotten used to. It'll be fine, as he's already done everything he can do to settle Finn's mind on it, he's still left with a lot of feelings that he wouldn't have expected even if he'd somehow known this was coming. Those aren't as easy to deal with, because they don't really listen to the logical details.
Mostly what he's settled on doing now is reminding himself that as precarious as it might be, they've got people here to support them, no matter what happens. And maybe no one knows when things might change again in the blink of an eye, but they're not alone. The losses still hurt, there's an ache left behind from one in particular that he's never gotten over as much as he's just learned to live with it, but he's also gained things that he never knew he would have.
Like Clary. He offers no resistance, letting her arms slip around him as she burrows in close against his chest, almost as if he wasn't expecting it, even though he was. Despite being a little slow to respond he does return it, wrapping his arms around her and tugging her closer, holding on a little tighter than he usually would. The sigh that he quietly exhales against her cheek sounds more like relief than exhaustion, and it is. He's not the type to ask or reassurance when he needs it, as quick as he is to offer it, but he did need this, more than he could say. ]
It'll be alright.
[ For him, for Finn, for all of them. He's said it so many times before, here and back home, and sometimes he honestly doesn't quite believe it himself, but he always says it anyway. Sometimes it's more of a stubbornly hopeful intention than a statement of fact. Right now he's not thinking too hard about it, not when he would rather just divert his focus to her, as he shifts one arm up slightly to slip his fingers through her hair. ]
[ When his arms go around her and Clary feels the tightness of his hold on her, she wraps her arms tighter around him in turn, fingers catching against his shirt. Even if he didn't ask for this — didn't even ask for her company — she can feel how much Poe wants it, even before he sighs against her cheek and she's even more prepared than before to stay for however long he wants her here. Sometimes just having another person nearby, even if you just sit in silence with them, can be a comfort.
Letting out a soft noise that isn't quite amusement, she turns her head just enough to press her nose against his cheek, eyes closed. ]
Shouldn't I be the one telling you that?
[ When she resettles her chin on his shoulder, Clary moves one hand up to cradle the back of his neck. The other stays fisted around his shirt and she opens her eyes to look over the garage without pulling away from him. But it just enrages her, seeing what Poe and Finn could so easily lose now because of the city's antics. ]
I hate that they did this to you. [ Despite the anger, her voice is hushed, if a bit clipped. ]
[ Poe does smile, despite everything, at her tone. He's had enough time to think about what he needs to do here, and he's used to making those calculations no matter how he's feeling emotionally about them. Wars didn't leave much room for grieving or doubt or useless frustration, and being trapped here isn't completely unlike that. It's just more insidious, more of a constant looming uncertainty than anything, and they seem to make an effort to throw things like this at them so that they don't forget it. It's more effective than he would ever care to admit.
He'll shake all of this off and keep soldiering on, like he always does, that was never in question. It's just a lot of things weighing him down right now, and since none of it would benefit from him rushing into anything the best thing he can do right now is do what he needs to do to keep his head on straight. He's working on it.
And Clary's here with him, gripping as tightly onto him as he's holding her. He can't help but do his best to reassure her when she's upset, even when it's because she's worried about him. ]
Yeah, I know. [ He tilts his head to nuzzle through her hair until his lips brush against the side of her neck, where he presses several lingering kisses. Which, if he's being honest, do just as much for him as they do for her, and once he starts he quickly realizes that he doesn't want to stop.
His own response is soft too, despite what they're talking about. ] I do too.
[ Even with the anger and worry burning hot in her stomach, Clary feels a completely separate warmth bloom through her as Poe's lips find her neck. Although it's nowhere near as all-consuming as it usually is, she still closes her eyes and lets out a quiet sound, her head tilting ever so slightly to the side on instinct more than any particular conscious thought. ]
Poe. [ It's a quiet murmur, and even Clary can't tell if it's encouragement or an attempt to get him to stop. If he wants to find comfort in her like that, she's of course more than willing to let him, but it will probably only be a temporary distraction and they'll both wind up as frustrated and worried — scared, even, at least on her end — when they're finished.
Sliding her hands up to cup his cheeks, she disentangles just enough to lean back and catch his gaze, the silent question written on her features as clearly his emotions on his own face. She drags a thumb slow and gentle across his cheek, quietly watching him for a long moment before she speaks again. ]
I'm here. Whatever you need, whatever I can do— I'm here. [ She said the same thing earlier over the phone but in that moment, she feels the need to reiterate it, to let him see how much she means it. ]
[ Poe slips his own hands up to settle them over hers, his fingers curling around them there for a moment while he gazes back at her. He does know. He can't imagine her turning away a friend under any circumstances, as long as she could help she would, she's just that kind of person, but this feels different. He's not the only one dealing with an unexpected flood of emotions over this, and he could guess that hers come from a very similar place to his, where it's almost as much about what could have happened but didn't as it is about what's actually changed here.
Sometimes he thinks they're too similar for their own good.
He'd honestly like to do anything but talk about this right now, but he can't leave it up in the air in a way that makes her worry even more, as much as she's trying to be selfless for him. They'll just have to work on mutual reassurance, which he's already working on as he draws her hands down to his chest, still holding onto them when he leans in slightly to kiss her cheek, soft and affectionate. ]
Finn and I will talk things over and figure out what we should do with contracts. As long as we stick to the same Dominant we can still live here and keep the garage together, it's just a matter of getting the right paperwork. If anything the local gangs might like me better now that I'm not a Dominant. I barely go to the Up anymore as it is, I'm not losing anything here.
[ The next kiss he tips his head in for lands on her lips, though it's as gentle as the last, almost chaste, though he does linger close to her lips a little longer. He's not convinced that getting caught up in each other for a while wouldn't be some kind of relief for both them. ]
I still get to see you, and now they can't complain about what we do together.
[ His reassurances help as much as the gentle way he holds her hands, the kiss he presses to her cheek, but it's unsettling at the same time to hear him talking about needing a Dominant, about finding someone to help him keep what's rightfully his. And although she doubts anything would make this better, Clary almost wonders if the city pretending it's always been this way is what makes it so difficult to swallow. If they were upfront and honest about it, admitting that they'd done this to punish him, maybe she could get past the unfairness of it all.
She returns the kiss, of course, angling her head in to rest her forehead against Poe's, fingers curling slightly around the fabric of his shirt. It seems unfair to have him comforting her, to be the one saying all of this, when he is the one that ultimately deserves it. Yet she's hardly surprised by it; he's always given her the impression of being a solid rock for those in his life, someone to lean against when things seem hopeless. ]
I don't really think that outweighs everything they took away from you. [ It's not meant to be self-deprecating, just an honest observation. After all, they've done well enough with not getting caught for a handful of months already, so they likely could've kept that up. Though even she has to admit, ] But it's definitely an upside.
[ Rather than admit how upset she'd be if they kept her and Poe apart, or just how much the idea makes her stomach churn, Clary presses another light but lingering kiss to his lips. Her hands shift beneath his, turning over so their palms are pressed together and she's able to link their fingers. Then she opens her eyes to look up at him, the corner of her mouth lifting into something smile-adjacent. ]
And I do like the idea of the gangs not giving you such a hard time. Just promise me you'll tell me if anyone else gives you crap before you get a contract so I can kick their ass, okay? [ She'd meant to say it with a light, joking tone — and she almost manages it until she continues, gaze drifting to his neck. ] I know people here aren't exactly the nicest to unsigned Submissives.
[ Time and perspective probably won't make him less angry about all this, but right here and now he's thinking about how many different ways this place already makes things miserable for them all, regardless of designations. And maybe he's not all that surprised that they would do something like this to him, though it feels less like a targeted attack and more like an experiment. If they wanted to punish him there would be much better ways to do it, because something like this is just bound to make him dig in his heels even more. And it's not like it would be hard for them to hit his real weakest spots, anyone who knows him at all could figure that one out.
That's part of why he's holding onto her like this though, because he can and would be thinking about worst case scenarios and where those could put him. The reality of his situation is far less bleak, and Clary's soft kisses are a tangible reminder of that.
He makes a somewhat non-committal noise at first, at the suggestion that he's lost more than he's gained here. She's not necessarily wrong, especially in purely material terms, but... There's also an angle to this that he didn't mention, that's actually pretty relevant. But it's complicated, to say the least, and the last thing he needs to do right now is to start trying to pick that one apart. There will be plenty of time for that later. ]
I can handle it, but I also wouldn't mind getting to see you put some overbearing asshole in their place. [ He's got the light, almost playful tone right, even if that doesn't fully reach his eyes — but she's not looking at them, is she? He pauses, gently prying one of her hands from his to pull it to his chest, settling it on his chest, on his bare skin where the shirt doesn't cover the mark.
It's going to take some getting used to. For both of them. It feels vulnerable to call attention to it, for some reason, but at the same time he's not afraid to share that with her. And maybe he needs to know that she's not going to shy away from him because she just can't stand to look at him when that tattoo is in the way. ]
They won't ask any questions if they see that I'm with you. I'm alright with that.
[ She does, actually, glance briefly up towards his eyes when he pries her hand free, brow furrowed slightly — though that's hardly a change from how it's been since she got his first text, worry clear and undeniable across her features, as obvious as Poe's own feelings written on his own face. But then Clary looks back towards their joined hands, towards the line he presses her palm to. She can feel the weight of the gesture and doesn't hesitate to drag her thumb across his skin, foolishly surprised that it doesn't feel any different despite the newly acquired mark.
Rather than say anything, though the offer to just sign with him and Finn right now is there on the tip of her tongue, Clary quietly traces the line with her fingertips. It's not the tattoo that bothers her, it's seeing it on him, of what that means for Poe here in the city. Being a Dominant is far from easy, as it still means being trapped in this awful place, but it comes with undeniable perks, not least of all being how the natives treat a person.
Although like he said, it's not as if he goes into the Up terribly often (rarely, even, which is why it surprised her that day he actively asked to come to her place) and the gangs down here certainly make their feelings clear about anyone without a mark.
But it makes him vulnerable, too, at risk of losing so much, and that worries her.
Sliding her hand up to cup the side of his neck, Clary dips her head to press a light, lingering kiss to the bit of his chest he'd pressed her hand to before. Then she continues upwards, following the dark line up his chest and the column of his throat, as if the skin there needed soothing. It's not enough to make up for its existence, but hopefully it will make him realize that it hasn't changed her feelings for him or how much he means to her. ]
[ There's still plenty of reasons to hate this, Poe's gone over all of them at length already, he knows it's more difficult to navigate everything as a Submissive. At the same time this is something he's used to, because for as long as he was a Commander in the Resistance that increasingly meant that he was a fugitive in most civilized parts of the galaxy. He's used to keeping his head on a swivel, to watching his back and knowing that he faces an uphill battle with getting most people to even talk to him, let alone work with him. He knows what it's like to live on the edge of a knife, feeling constantly exhausted anon the verge of hopelessness. If he could handle that, he can handle this.
Especially since he's not doing it alone.
Usually he would be touching her in return while she's kissing him, even if he couldn't necessarily reach her mouth, but obviously this isn't anything like the usual routine that they've fallen into. Instead he's almost completely still, his breath quiet and steady, his eyes almost closed as she works her way along his throat. He tips his head back slightly for her, letting her have better access without hesitation, and it's only once her lips trail close to his chin when he does finally move, one hand still entwined with hers, while the other slips to her own jawline, his fingers brushing lightly across it first and then nudging it upward slightly.
She's already been so good to him, in so many ways, more than she knows. ]
I know it'll just be waiting for me later, but... [ He murmurs as he nuzzles in for another kiss. It feels selfish, all of this does, despite the fact that she's openly offered whatever he might need right now. But he couldn't bring himself to deny it, even if he wanted to try. ] I don't want to think about it right now.
[ He's not the type to swallow in self-pity, or cut himself a break at all in general, but in this particular instance, with her, he's more inclined to let himself have some kind of respite from all of the frustration around this. Whatever form that happens to take. ]
[ Because of how familiar their routine has become, and how much they both like to touch one another when they're alone, almost as if they're saving up for when they have to be more careful out in public, the fact that Poe doesn't touch her right away is almost painfully noticeable. And while she understands why, when his fingers finally pass across her jaw, Clary feels a nearly tangible relief, leaning into the touch without hesitation.
She returns the kiss, as gentle as she'd been with the ones she'd pressed to his skin, and lightly bumps his nose with her own when it ends. For a long moment, she just stays like that, hands tangled with his and curled around the side of his neck respectively. Then she slips her hand free from his and wraps both arms around his neck, the arch of her back effortlessly shifting her body language from comforting to something a bit more tantalizing.
Maybe it's a little more forced than it's ever been with Poe, but it certainly won't take long for her own focus to shift from thoughts of what happened to just thoughts of him. ]
I would be more than happy to distract you. [ This time the lighter tone actually lands, though there's no playful grin to accompany it. Instead, she leans in for another kiss, stopping just before their lips meet to murmur there against them. ] For as long as you want; I'm not going anywhere, Poe. [ It's as much a promise for today as it is for the future, confirmation that Clary's not going to disappear on him just because the city decided to mess with his designation.
She was never interested in Poe because he was a fellow Dominant, and the line now stark and undeniable on his skin won't be enough to dissuade her from seeing him again. None of it ultimately matters except in how he's treated by the city, something she's keen to prove as she finally closes that minuscule distance, starting the kiss of gentle and slow but with the familiar promise off more. ]
[ Even if they wanted to pretend that nothing's happened, in an effort to shut the rest of the world out for a while, it wouldn't have worked, and that's not what Poe's going for anyway. He can't forget about it, not really, but what he can do is narrow his focus down to right here, to her, and leave the rest of it for afterward. This is important to him, she's important to him, and it's not actually all that hard to keep his attention here when she's so willing to just exist in this particular moment with him, pressing into his touches with as much relief as it offers him.
His need to reply isn't as pressing as the need to return another kiss, one which he leans into with even more warmth than the last, though it's still slow and deliberate rather than the wild, hungry sort of thing that they've been caught up in so many times before. This isn't that impulsive, and it's not really driven by the same desires either, at least not in the way it would be if they were just having fun together. This is soft, more needy and emotional in a way that's rare for him, and something new for them in particular. But that's not a vulnerability that he's afraid to slip into with her, not now, after everything they've been through together.
He's not exactly going to stop kissing her, or letting his hands roam over her back and all the way down to her ass, gripping and stroking while he's tugging her toward the bedroom — he couch is right there, but he's not stopping at it this time — even while he's getting a few words in there between moments when his mouth is preoccupied. ]
You're not a distraction, Clary. Not to me.
[ Those touches will eventually end up nudging underneath her shirt, and her pants if he can get his hands into them, though he's not in a rush to get her naked. That's kind of secondary to the need to touch more of her without anything in the way. ]
[ Clary feels the distinct difference between this kiss and the numerous others they've shared up to this point, how this time it feels heavy but in a way that makes her heart race fast and wild in her chest, makes her want to somehow hold onto this moment for as long as possible. And that's when it hits her: Poe doesn't want to get lost in this just to feel better and to get his mind off of things (which she never would have blamed him for and would have happily provided). He wants to get lost in her.
It's a realization that has her as breathless as the kiss does by the time they part enough to speak and stokes heat inside of her that is simultaneously familiar and as new as the vulnerability she recognizes in him now. She doesn't respond at first, almost taking a second to savor everything, eyes still closed while her hands move to cradle his face. ]
I know. [ And she does, truly. Had known, even, before today because they've always made it clear that despite how they met, despite the undeniable chemistry between them that they're both unwilling to fight against regularly, their friendship isn't just about the sex. More than that, Poe's never made her feel like she was just some piece of entertainment, something to do while he's waiting for Gwen or Finn to be available.
Opening her eyes, Clary catches his gaze as her hands travel down the sides of his neck and then across his shoulders, along the length of his arms until she finds his wrists. But she doesn't do anything more than touch him, not wanting to impede the movement of his own hands over her body. ]
I was just saying I could be one now, that I don't mind helping you get out of your head if that's what you need.
[ Getting back to the apartment wouldn't take long, all things considered, but Poe's reluctant to wait that long, especially when there's a reasonably comfortable, private cot behind the front office which will work for now. It's close behind him, a few more steps away, when he stops, his eyes locking on hers while his hands settle on her hips, giving them a gentle squeeze in another tangible reminder of just how grateful he is for all of this. Not just because of the current predicament he's found himself in, but for all of it — to say that he feels like he doesn't deserve this might not be an exaggeration. He doubts she would hear it though, especially now, so he won't dwell on it. Whatever they've gotten themselves into, they've done it together, they're both aware of that.
He pauses there, catching one of her hands in his and drawing it up to his mouth to press a slow, warm kiss against her palm, his eyes eventually flicking back up to hers as he follows that up with a few more scattered kisses trailing down toward her wrist. ]
Maybe I just need to show you how much that means to me.
[ After one more kiss that lingers against her wrist he'll let her hand go, not because he's done kissing her obviously but because she'll need to be able to free both of them for him to tug her shirt up and off. If she ends up unbuttoning his own along the way he'll slip out of that too, he's just more concerned with picking up with more kisses along the line of a newly bared shoulder while his fingers slide around to the clasps holding her bra in place.
It's far from the first time he's undressed her, it just might be the first time he's done it with such a gentle, almost reverent sort of touch, where he's not rushing or even fighting against that impulse. What they're doing right now is as important as anything that's going to happen later. ]
[ When he catches her gaze, even before his hand collects her own and guides it to his mouth, Clary feels her cheeks heat in something completely and entirely unrelated to arousal. Nerves flutter, too, in her stomach despite the fact that she's kind of lost track of how often they've ended up this close, how familiar the weight and warmth of his hand on her hip has become. She can see something else in his eyes — feel it in the charged space between them — and she simultaneously wants to bask in it and chase it away.
The former wins out, however, a fond smile curling her lips as his scatter kisses across her wrist, leaving her to idly wonder if he can feel the hammering of her heart at the pulse point there. Which only gets worse at what he says, as if her heartbeat is somehow tied directly to Poe's voice. It leaves her voice quiet and still breathless, though as undeniably fond as her the warmth in her own eyes, when she says, ] Whatever you need.
[ As if him doing that wouldn't be enjoyable for her.
Once her shirt is gone, Clary's hands do reach for Poe's shirt but her fingers just end up grasping the fabric when he dips his head to resume kissing her. Her head tips backward slightly as her eyes close with a soft gasp. Rather than getting too involved in removing his shirt, she decides to wait until he's removed her bra, though she does dip her hands beneath the fabric to seek out Poe's skin directly. ]
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[ The thought of offering to sign with him — with them both — comes to mind, of course, but she doesn't want to jump straight into that as Poe's still probably processing the sudden change. Not to mention the fact that there might be someone else he or Finn would want to sign with, someone they know better than her. ]
I can't believe that they would do this, and without any kind of warning. Did it happen the same way with the others you heard about?
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[ He does know that she'd offer if he asked, she's like that, and he's both aware and appreciative of it, he just doesn't want to think about contracts right now. ]
I've only talked to one person who's been through it, but I get the impression that it's never been explained, and no one knows exactly how it happens. You just wake up one day with or without the line and they pretend that you were always like that. Like we don't know the truth.
[ Better than being brainwashed.
He sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. ]
I don't know what I need right now.
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The important thing now is helping him process this, however she can. ]
Do you want to come over? [ Getting into the Up as an uncontracted Submissive is probably even worse than when he was a Dominant, a realization that hits her surprisingly hard. As a result, she's quick to add, ] Or I can meet you somewhere. Your place, if you want, or we can get a drink somewhere.
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We can start at the garage and go from there.
[ He won't question her willingness to see him, whatever state he's in. If this had happened to her he would be there too. ]
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[ It shouldn't ultimately be a big deal since plenty of people only pretend to care about the city's roles in public to appease the SIN guards, and yet Clary wants to find whoever did this and kick their ass for him, make them switch Poe back. Or, at the very least, get as many answers to their questions as possible, namely why this happened. How doesn't matter so much, but there had to have been a reason.
As she makes her way to the Down, the knot in Clary's stomach takes on an edge of guilt as she starts wondering if maybe this is punishment for them ignoring the rule about Dominants hooking up. And despite her brain supplying what should be a convincing argument about Poe and Gwen having been together long before she arrived, it also reminds her of the night at Camp Harmony when she crawled into his tent late at night.
The trip to the garage seems to take significantly longer than normal and by the time she steps inside to look for him, or knocks on the door if Poe's kept it locked, her brow's furrowed into a deep frown. ]
no subject
It doesn't make this easy, living here and having to jump through the hoops that the city puts in front of them. He can't get away from the feeling that every step forward comes with a step back, and as stubborn as he is about holding onto the people he cares about it's all so precarious.
He hates how powerless this makes him feel. And maybe some small, irrational part of himself feels some kind of guilt over it too, like he's let Finn down somehow. As if any of this was his choice.
He's there to meet her at the door, recently showered and shaved, and it would be impossible to miss the dark line that travels down his throat until it disappears underneath his shirt. ]
Hi.
[ What can he even say? He's not dodging her or trying to hide it though, those emotions are pretty clearly written all over his face. ]
no subject
She's only been in the city for a handful of months, barely any time at all compared to someone like him, and yet she can feel how huge this is. Not just for Poe but in general, the idea that whoever or whatever brought them here can mess so completely with their lives at any moment hitting harder than perhaps even when she'd woken up here originally. That they don't even acknowledge changing something so supposedly fundamental as an assigned designation, whether she agrees with the whole concept or not, makes it even worse.
And seeing how it's affecting Poe, as obvious as the new mark down his throat, makes it almost unbearable. Why couldn't it have been her?
He may not want it, even if he's generally a very tactile person with her, but Clary steps over the threshold and immediately wraps her arms around him, pulling him into a hug. ]
I'm so sorry, Poe. [ Because what else can she say? ]
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Mostly what he's settled on doing now is reminding himself that as precarious as it might be, they've got people here to support them, no matter what happens. And maybe no one knows when things might change again in the blink of an eye, but they're not alone. The losses still hurt, there's an ache left behind from one in particular that he's never gotten over as much as he's just learned to live with it, but he's also gained things that he never knew he would have.
Like Clary. He offers no resistance, letting her arms slip around him as she burrows in close against his chest, almost as if he wasn't expecting it, even though he was. Despite being a little slow to respond he does return it, wrapping his arms around her and tugging her closer, holding on a little tighter than he usually would. The sigh that he quietly exhales against her cheek sounds more like relief than exhaustion, and it is. He's not the type to ask or reassurance when he needs it, as quick as he is to offer it, but he did need this, more than he could say. ]
It'll be alright.
[ For him, for Finn, for all of them. He's said it so many times before, here and back home, and sometimes he honestly doesn't quite believe it himself, but he always says it anyway. Sometimes it's more of a stubbornly hopeful intention than a statement of fact. Right now he's not thinking too hard about it, not when he would rather just divert his focus to her, as he shifts one arm up slightly to slip his fingers through her hair. ]
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Letting out a soft noise that isn't quite amusement, she turns her head just enough to press her nose against his cheek, eyes closed. ]
Shouldn't I be the one telling you that?
[ When she resettles her chin on his shoulder, Clary moves one hand up to cradle the back of his neck. The other stays fisted around his shirt and she opens her eyes to look over the garage without pulling away from him. But it just enrages her, seeing what Poe and Finn could so easily lose now because of the city's antics. ]
I hate that they did this to you. [ Despite the anger, her voice is hushed, if a bit clipped. ]
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He'll shake all of this off and keep soldiering on, like he always does, that was never in question. It's just a lot of things weighing him down right now, and since none of it would benefit from him rushing into anything the best thing he can do right now is do what he needs to do to keep his head on straight. He's working on it.
And Clary's here with him, gripping as tightly onto him as he's holding her. He can't help but do his best to reassure her when she's upset, even when it's because she's worried about him. ]
Yeah, I know. [ He tilts his head to nuzzle through her hair until his lips brush against the side of her neck, where he presses several lingering kisses. Which, if he's being honest, do just as much for him as they do for her, and once he starts he quickly realizes that he doesn't want to stop.
His own response is soft too, despite what they're talking about. ] I do too.
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Poe. [ It's a quiet murmur, and even Clary can't tell if it's encouragement or an attempt to get him to stop. If he wants to find comfort in her like that, she's of course more than willing to let him, but it will probably only be a temporary distraction and they'll both wind up as frustrated and worried — scared, even, at least on her end — when they're finished.
Sliding her hands up to cup his cheeks, she disentangles just enough to lean back and catch his gaze, the silent question written on her features as clearly his emotions on his own face. She drags a thumb slow and gentle across his cheek, quietly watching him for a long moment before she speaks again. ]
I'm here. Whatever you need, whatever I can do— I'm here. [ She said the same thing earlier over the phone but in that moment, she feels the need to reiterate it, to let him see how much she means it. ]
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[ Poe slips his own hands up to settle them over hers, his fingers curling around them there for a moment while he gazes back at her. He does know. He can't imagine her turning away a friend under any circumstances, as long as she could help she would, she's just that kind of person, but this feels different. He's not the only one dealing with an unexpected flood of emotions over this, and he could guess that hers come from a very similar place to his, where it's almost as much about what could have happened but didn't as it is about what's actually changed here.
Sometimes he thinks they're too similar for their own good.
He'd honestly like to do anything but talk about this right now, but he can't leave it up in the air in a way that makes her worry even more, as much as she's trying to be selfless for him. They'll just have to work on mutual reassurance, which he's already working on as he draws her hands down to his chest, still holding onto them when he leans in slightly to kiss her cheek, soft and affectionate. ]
Finn and I will talk things over and figure out what we should do with contracts. As long as we stick to the same Dominant we can still live here and keep the garage together, it's just a matter of getting the right paperwork. If anything the local gangs might like me better now that I'm not a Dominant. I barely go to the Up anymore as it is, I'm not losing anything here.
[ The next kiss he tips his head in for lands on her lips, though it's as gentle as the last, almost chaste, though he does linger close to her lips a little longer. He's not convinced that getting caught up in each other for a while wouldn't be some kind of relief for both them. ]
I still get to see you, and now they can't complain about what we do together.
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She returns the kiss, of course, angling her head in to rest her forehead against Poe's, fingers curling slightly around the fabric of his shirt. It seems unfair to have him comforting her, to be the one saying all of this, when he is the one that ultimately deserves it. Yet she's hardly surprised by it; he's always given her the impression of being a solid rock for those in his life, someone to lean against when things seem hopeless. ]
I don't really think that outweighs everything they took away from you. [ It's not meant to be self-deprecating, just an honest observation. After all, they've done well enough with not getting caught for a handful of months already, so they likely could've kept that up. Though even she has to admit, ] But it's definitely an upside.
[ Rather than admit how upset she'd be if they kept her and Poe apart, or just how much the idea makes her stomach churn, Clary presses another light but lingering kiss to his lips. Her hands shift beneath his, turning over so their palms are pressed together and she's able to link their fingers. Then she opens her eyes to look up at him, the corner of her mouth lifting into something smile-adjacent. ]
And I do like the idea of the gangs not giving you such a hard time. Just promise me you'll tell me if anyone else gives you crap before you get a contract so I can kick their ass, okay? [ She'd meant to say it with a light, joking tone — and she almost manages it until she continues, gaze drifting to his neck. ] I know people here aren't exactly the nicest to unsigned Submissives.
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That's part of why he's holding onto her like this though, because he can and would be thinking about worst case scenarios and where those could put him. The reality of his situation is far less bleak, and Clary's soft kisses are a tangible reminder of that.
He makes a somewhat non-committal noise at first, at the suggestion that he's lost more than he's gained here. She's not necessarily wrong, especially in purely material terms, but... There's also an angle to this that he didn't mention, that's actually pretty relevant. But it's complicated, to say the least, and the last thing he needs to do right now is to start trying to pick that one apart. There will be plenty of time for that later. ]
I can handle it, but I also wouldn't mind getting to see you put some overbearing asshole in their place. [ He's got the light, almost playful tone right, even if that doesn't fully reach his eyes — but she's not looking at them, is she? He pauses, gently prying one of her hands from his to pull it to his chest, settling it on his chest, on his bare skin where the shirt doesn't cover the mark.
It's going to take some getting used to. For both of them. It feels vulnerable to call attention to it, for some reason, but at the same time he's not afraid to share that with her. And maybe he needs to know that she's not going to shy away from him because she just can't stand to look at him when that tattoo is in the way. ]
They won't ask any questions if they see that I'm with you. I'm alright with that.
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Rather than say anything, though the offer to just sign with him and Finn right now is there on the tip of her tongue, Clary quietly traces the line with her fingertips. It's not the tattoo that bothers her, it's seeing it on him, of what that means for Poe here in the city. Being a Dominant is far from easy, as it still means being trapped in this awful place, but it comes with undeniable perks, not least of all being how the natives treat a person.
Although like he said, it's not as if he goes into the Up terribly often (rarely, even, which is why it surprised her that day he actively asked to come to her place) and the gangs down here certainly make their feelings clear about anyone without a mark.
But it makes him vulnerable, too, at risk of losing so much, and that worries her.
Sliding her hand up to cup the side of his neck, Clary dips her head to press a light, lingering kiss to the bit of his chest he'd pressed her hand to before. Then she continues upwards, following the dark line up his chest and the column of his throat, as if the skin there needed soothing. It's not enough to make up for its existence, but hopefully it will make him realize that it hasn't changed her feelings for him or how much he means to her. ]
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Especially since he's not doing it alone.
Usually he would be touching her in return while she's kissing him, even if he couldn't necessarily reach her mouth, but obviously this isn't anything like the usual routine that they've fallen into. Instead he's almost completely still, his breath quiet and steady, his eyes almost closed as she works her way along his throat. He tips his head back slightly for her, letting her have better access without hesitation, and it's only once her lips trail close to his chin when he does finally move, one hand still entwined with hers, while the other slips to her own jawline, his fingers brushing lightly across it first and then nudging it upward slightly.
She's already been so good to him, in so many ways, more than she knows. ]
I know it'll just be waiting for me later, but... [ He murmurs as he nuzzles in for another kiss. It feels selfish, all of this does, despite the fact that she's openly offered whatever he might need right now. But he couldn't bring himself to deny it, even if he wanted to try. ] I don't want to think about it right now.
[ He's not the type to swallow in self-pity, or cut himself a break at all in general, but in this particular instance, with her, he's more inclined to let himself have some kind of respite from all of the frustration around this. Whatever form that happens to take. ]
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She returns the kiss, as gentle as she'd been with the ones she'd pressed to his skin, and lightly bumps his nose with her own when it ends. For a long moment, she just stays like that, hands tangled with his and curled around the side of his neck respectively. Then she slips her hand free from his and wraps both arms around his neck, the arch of her back effortlessly shifting her body language from comforting to something a bit more tantalizing.
Maybe it's a little more forced than it's ever been with Poe, but it certainly won't take long for her own focus to shift from thoughts of what happened to just thoughts of him. ]
I would be more than happy to distract you. [ This time the lighter tone actually lands, though there's no playful grin to accompany it. Instead, she leans in for another kiss, stopping just before their lips meet to murmur there against them. ] For as long as you want; I'm not going anywhere, Poe. [ It's as much a promise for today as it is for the future, confirmation that Clary's not going to disappear on him just because the city decided to mess with his designation.
She was never interested in Poe because he was a fellow Dominant, and the line now stark and undeniable on his skin won't be enough to dissuade her from seeing him again. None of it ultimately matters except in how he's treated by the city, something she's keen to prove as she finally closes that minuscule distance, starting the kiss of gentle and slow but with the familiar promise off more. ]
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His need to reply isn't as pressing as the need to return another kiss, one which he leans into with even more warmth than the last, though it's still slow and deliberate rather than the wild, hungry sort of thing that they've been caught up in so many times before. This isn't that impulsive, and it's not really driven by the same desires either, at least not in the way it would be if they were just having fun together. This is soft, more needy and emotional in a way that's rare for him, and something new for them in particular. But that's not a vulnerability that he's afraid to slip into with her, not now, after everything they've been through together.
He's not exactly going to stop kissing her, or letting his hands roam over her back and all the way down to her ass, gripping and stroking while he's tugging her toward the bedroom — he couch is right there, but he's not stopping at it this time — even while he's getting a few words in there between moments when his mouth is preoccupied. ]
You're not a distraction, Clary. Not to me.
[ Those touches will eventually end up nudging underneath her shirt, and her pants if he can get his hands into them, though he's not in a rush to get her naked. That's kind of secondary to the need to touch more of her without anything in the way. ]
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It's a realization that has her as breathless as the kiss does by the time they part enough to speak and stokes heat inside of her that is simultaneously familiar and as new as the vulnerability she recognizes in him now. She doesn't respond at first, almost taking a second to savor everything, eyes still closed while her hands move to cradle his face. ]
I know. [ And she does, truly. Had known, even, before today because they've always made it clear that despite how they met, despite the undeniable chemistry between them that they're both unwilling to fight against regularly, their friendship isn't just about the sex. More than that, Poe's never made her feel like she was just some piece of entertainment, something to do while he's waiting for Gwen or Finn to be available.
Opening her eyes, Clary catches his gaze as her hands travel down the sides of his neck and then across his shoulders, along the length of his arms until she finds his wrists. But she doesn't do anything more than touch him, not wanting to impede the movement of his own hands over her body. ]
I was just saying I could be one now, that I don't mind helping you get out of your head if that's what you need.
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He pauses there, catching one of her hands in his and drawing it up to his mouth to press a slow, warm kiss against her palm, his eyes eventually flicking back up to hers as he follows that up with a few more scattered kisses trailing down toward her wrist. ]
Maybe I just need to show you how much that means to me.
[ After one more kiss that lingers against her wrist he'll let her hand go, not because he's done kissing her obviously but because she'll need to be able to free both of them for him to tug her shirt up and off. If she ends up unbuttoning his own along the way he'll slip out of that too, he's just more concerned with picking up with more kisses along the line of a newly bared shoulder while his fingers slide around to the clasps holding her bra in place.
It's far from the first time he's undressed her, it just might be the first time he's done it with such a gentle, almost reverent sort of touch, where he's not rushing or even fighting against that impulse. What they're doing right now is as important as anything that's going to happen later. ]
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The former wins out, however, a fond smile curling her lips as his scatter kisses across her wrist, leaving her to idly wonder if he can feel the hammering of her heart at the pulse point there. Which only gets worse at what he says, as if her heartbeat is somehow tied directly to Poe's voice. It leaves her voice quiet and still breathless, though as undeniably fond as her the warmth in her own eyes, when she says, ] Whatever you need.
[ As if him doing that wouldn't be enjoyable for her.
Once her shirt is gone, Clary's hands do reach for Poe's shirt but her fingers just end up grasping the fabric when he dips his head to resume kissing her. Her head tips backward slightly as her eyes close with a soft gasp. Rather than getting too involved in removing his shirt, she decides to wait until he's removed her bra, though she does dip her hands beneath the fabric to seek out Poe's skin directly. ]